Whoo boy, this review is going to be brief and not just due to the fact that I am, generally speaking, a lazy reviewer of things. That headline really says it all. This game is bad. BAD BAD. So why even bother taking time out of my busy schedule watching various Gordon Ramsay shows on Hulu Plus to write about it at all? Because we’re in the Halloween season now and dammit, I need shit to post. READ MORE
Kidding. Look, I can’t pretend I’m all that familiar with Earthbound outside of being aware of the cult favorite status its carried around for years. I’ve never actually played it because as you already know, RPG’s are famously synonymous with how little I care about them. But considering the fact that the original instruction booklet alone has fetched over a hundred bucks on various auction sites, its hard to not be excited for you nerds that have been dying to experience this thing for yourself. Well, at a slightly higher than usual price of $9.99 Earthbound is finally available on the Wii U Virtual Console. You may commence with your awkward high-fives now.
Not to be outdone, the 3DS is also now home to a long desired yet historically pricey piece of software. But I’ll go ahead and let my good friend and ward “ANC” fill you in with the details about that over at Nintendorks.net. Now is when you should probably click on that highlighted text.
By now you may already be aware that the Club Nintendo platinum prizes have finally been revealed and somebody pinch me, the selection sucks on an all new level. Nintendo loyalists like myself have a choice between 3 posters that wouldn’t feel out of place stapled into the center of a now dead magazine or the soundtrack to a 15 year old game. Granted, that game is Majora’s Mask which features some truly gorgeous compositions but c’mon. I remember listening to this whole thing on my iPod while standing in line to see Attack of the Clones.
In other news, the castrated NES version of Donkey Kong is also now available for $0.30 on the Wii U as the final part of their 30th anniversary for the Famicom.
Club Nintendo has had this sweet deal going for a while that allows members to use coins earned registering Nintendo product codes on actual video games rather than the type of paraphernalia more commonly found in Chinatown. For the most part selected titles have been restricted to stuff the majority of long time players wouldn’t bat an eyelash at but as you can tell from the headline and screenshot above, this isn’t the case at the moment. The N64 classic 1080 Snowboarding is up for grabs for a mere 150 coins as are three other selections each worth looking into. 1080 is a game that I spent a ridiculous amount of my un-prescribed medicinally medicated marijuana years playing as a teenager and it’s a lot of fun. Especially now since you can enjoy it in a higher resolution while your hands are wrapped around the asscheeksofthewomanyoulove GameCube controller. Also, if you burn some Nag Champa and listen to this track as you tear through the Golden Forest stage over and over again, shit gets really far ou-sorry? Oh right, what else is currently up for grabs: Let’s have a look.
Why thank you so much Nintendo for giving gamers two Halloween worthy downloads to choose from today! Unfortunately neither of them are very good but hey…we sure appreciate the gesture. First up is Castlevania: The Adventure which was originally released for the Game Boy way back in 1989. Simon Belmont’s Grandaddy Christopher leads the charge in this installment as the series takes its first (of many) dips into portable water. Too bad this one whiffs it pretty hard as the end result is horrifying for all the wrong reasons. Aside from an excellent soundtrack, Adventure doesn’t come close to matching the visual or control standards set by its home console cousins. As a curiosity, I’d say this game is worth tossing a couple of bucks at but really what you should be doing is downloading the Rebirth WiiWare remake from a couple of years back. Now THAT is some damn fine Castlevania gaming right there, buddy. READ MORE
Super Ghouls ‘ Ghosts is a game that is so hard it will make sitting on your balls feel like a Summer breeze. Seriously. I don’t know what Capcom’s problem is with this series but every single entry has been inappropriately difficult to a degree that as a kid it felt like borderline child abuse. This SNES entry is a particularly sore spot for me because the graphics and sound are so beautiful that I’m regularly lured in to give it another shot. Always with the thought that maybe, juuust maybe this will be the time I make it if not close to the end (LOL) at least to the midway mark. Of course, this has never happened. So why am I bothering to post about this game at all if it’s such a frustrating experience?
“Holy, Shi-moly, how can I get in on this sweet deal!?” I hear you scream at your computer monitor. Well, it’s fairly easy: If you’re a Club Nintendo member, simply pony up the first born male in your bloodline as a ritualistic sacrifice to Beelzebub any time before January 6th and wait, WHOA. Yeah I read that press release all wrong, my mistake. Actually what you have to do is buy one of these first party games: Paper Mario: Sticker Star, Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask, Art Academy: Lessons For Everyone!, Crosswords Plus or Style Savvy: Trendsetters, which are all available either now or very soon. As a result of your monetary donation, Nintendo will provide you with a code that allows you to download a modified NES rom of the original Donkey Kong (which includes the aforementioned “banned on Earth” pie-making level)! Now keep in mind the only way you’ll receive this password is by downloading one of these titles from the eShop rather than picking up a retail copy. Factor in the new SD card that you’ll most likely need as a result of the massive amount of memory these “full retail” games soak up and you’re looking at somewhere between $40 and $50 bucks to afford yourself the glory of playing this game for five minutes before shutting it off out of boredom. Of course if that sounds a bit steep, you could always go and grab your N64 out of the garage and throw in Donkey Kong 64. As traumatic of an experience as that game was, keep in mind that it still featured a perfect emulation of the actual arcade original Donkey Kong, pie factory included. What? You don’t want to talk about Donkey Kong 64? No, no, I understand, how thoughtless. Please forgive me.
I wonder how Splatterhouse 2 has managed to exist on the Virtual Console this long without me drunkenly throwing 800 points at it. Oh right, because the first one was such a massive piece of shit that no level of intoxication could convince me that typing in my credit card number with one eye shut again would be worth it. Well, that and the fact that I’d read somewhere that once the Splatterhouse series jumped ship from the Turbografx 16 to the Genesis, that the 3rd installment was by far and away the best of the bunch. So you see rather than be disappointed yet again by Part 2, it made a lot more sense to me to wait around until Part 3 appeared on the VC which as we all know now, was not to be. Still with me?
As far as my bedroom is concerned, we are now in full on Halloween time. I’ve got cobwebs spread out, a skeleton hanging on the door, red light bulbs plugged in, these really great gummy-like ghosts and bats stuck on my window/mirrors as well as an awesome jack ‘o lantern lamp thing right here next to me on my desk (2 for $10.00 at CVS!). You may have noticed that I even changed the background of the site to a super cool Ghost house theme from Super Mario World (thank you, google image search). I truly can’t get enough of this season, so with that in mind it’s time to start playing some creepy games whenever my television isn’t occupied with Tales From the Dark Side reruns. Of course I plan on posting any current news that I find interesting as it pops up, but aside from that the month of October (and I guess this last week of September) belong to write ups involving primarily two things: Nintendo and horror.
Beginning with today’s quick look at one of the most memorable stages I can uh…remember playing in a video game: READ MORE
Erase the memory of that Godawful flick where Charleton Heston plays a Mexican Jake Gyllenhaal plays a Persian from your mind right now. There was once a time (and not so long ago) when the Prince of Persia brand was synonymous with quality side-scrolling platform gaming. People would yap on and on about how cool it was to edit your own levels and that the “beautiful” character animation had to be seen to be believed. Actually, I think I’m just quoting the douchebag kid that lived next door to me who couldn’t be torn away from this thing. Personally, I was pretty underwhelmed when I had a crack at it. The theme wasn’t very compelling and I think he had some kind of computer version that required a keyboard to play. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, years later when I decided to wrap my hands around a GameCube controller, I became deeply hooked on Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, but by then the series had already (brilliantly) made the leap into full 3D. Based on my deep affection for that game I was convinced that maybe I should go back and give the original stuff another shot but like so much in life, never got around to it. Well for any of you gamers out there that have a similar history with this franchise, as of today you can remedy your mild curiosity by downloading the SNES version for 800 Wii points. Of course you could also pick up Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands for the Wii that includes this full game as an unlockable starting at $0.01 used on Amazon instead. Yes, I know its none of my business what you do. Forgive me for mentioning it at all.
According to the fan that created this highly impressive piece:
“I used to play Super Hang-On at Chuck E. Cheese. It was so rad. I kinda want to make this into a t-shirt but I’m still on the fence about it. I’m not sure if anybody would buy a Super Hang-On inspired shirt.”
Club Nintendo has been rotating the available downloadable game codes with greater frequency for a couple months, with a new game being available roughly every two weeks. This time at bat it’s the original Super Smash Bros., originally released for the Nintendo 64 in 1998 and downloadable on the Wii Virtual Console. Spending 200 coins, or roughly what you get for registering a 3DS system and a game with your Club Nintendo account, nets you the ability to beat the crap out of your friends as Link and Kirby, who were forever after nerfed as the series went on. Pikachu’s always been the tits, though. Anyway, if you want to throw Pokéballs like a maniac on top of the Silph Co. building to cause a cacophonous clusterfuck, and don’t feel like spending 1000 Wii Points, you have until September 16th- next Saturday- to cough up those coins you’ve been holding onto in the faint, desperate hope that the Super NES Classic Controller would ever come to the NA Club Nintendo store, before Nintendo switches it out with some other game, probably a worse one.
Well, what the hell. I feel like an idiot. This is the way a Goddamned idiot feels like. I’m home sick and totally drunk zoned out on I.P.A. medicine right now, so earlier I decided to catch up on my 3DS backlog. For whatever reason it occurred to me to try holding down “start” and “select” while booting up Kid Icarus: Of Shits and Giggles and lo and behold that’s me greeted by the beautiful sight of an original Game Boy border wrapped around my playscreen like a nice, warm pair of fuzzy cuffs. I honestly have no idea how this happened. How could something so completely awesome slip past me for this long? Now if that weren’t cool enough, check this out: When you’ve got your 3D slider cranked up, the screen slips a fraction of an inch “behind” the glass just like the original GB and you can even hold down the shoulder buttons and press Y simultaneously to enable the old school pea-green color palette. Glorious. Apparently rumors are swirling that Game Boy Color titles also have their own unique border replicating that system as well but since I haven’t downloaded any of those games yet, it’s far too soon for me to comment on the validity of such claims.
I’d been planning on downloading Sega’s 1987 high speed racer Super Hang-On ever since it was made available for the Virtual Console back in May but held off until this past weekend. As incredible a display of willpower as that may seem, the real reason was that I’d already achieved platinum status on Club Nintendo a long time ago and made myself promise to not buy any new games until the year reset at the end of June. That’s how mediocre prizes get won, there fellas. Anyway, as a kid this was a game that definitely stood out in arcades due to the fact that you had to straddle a “motorcycle” to control the damn thing. The gameplay was shallow for sure but also a lot of fun and incredibly addictive (so long as there weren’t any girls around to see you make a complete ass out of yourself). “I wonder how well it holds up after all this time?” you may be whispering to yourself at this very moment.
Well, I guess it’s a good thing we’re around to answer big questions like these for you because after finally taking this thing for a test drive myself, you’re about to find out right after the jump! READ MORE