Whoo boy, this review is going to be brief and not just due to the fact that I am, generally speaking, a lazy reviewer of things. That headline really says it all. This game is bad. BAD BAD. So why even bother taking time out of my busy schedule watching various Gordon Ramsay shows on Hulu Plus to write about it at all? Because we’re in the Halloween season now and dammit, I need shit to post. READ MORE
Why thank you so much Nintendo for giving gamers two Halloween worthy downloads to choose from today! Unfortunately neither of them are very good but hey…we sure appreciate the gesture. First up is Castlevania: The Adventure which was originally released for the Game Boy way back in 1989. Simon Belmont’s Grandaddy Christopher leads the charge in this installment as the series takes its first (of many) dips into portable water. Too bad this one whiffs it pretty hard as the end result is horrifying for all the wrong reasons. Aside from an excellent soundtrack, Adventure doesn’t come close to matching the visual or control standards set by its home console cousins. As a curiosity, I’d say this game is worth tossing a couple of bucks at but really what you should be doing is downloading the Rebirth WiiWare remake from a couple of years back. Now THAT is some damn fine Castlevania gaming right there, buddy. READ MORE
Pretty much every review you’re going to read about Kirby’s 20th birthday compilation will begin with a direct comparison to Nintendo’s own anniversary treatment for their mustached mascot a couple of years ago. And for good reason: When the announcement was made that a special commemorative box would be released to coincide with the 25th birthday of the original Super Mario Bros., a lot of longtime fans (yours truly included) were understandably excited. But as the end result wound up being essentially an unchanged 20 year old rom (Super Mario All Stars from the SNES to be exact) slapped onto a disc and packed in with a flimsy at best scrapbook along with an anemic 13 track CD…well, pissed isn’t exactly the right word but you get the idea. Now with HAL laboratory celebrating the second decade mark for their little friend Kirby with such style, what once simply felt like a missed opportunity for Mario at this point feels like a legitimate insult.
Speaking of “limited time only” deals, Super Mario’s second portable adventure has been marked down to just $2.99 for a uh…well for a limited time. Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins is certainly a highlight in Mario’s adventures across any console featuring some truly odd yet predictably fun level design that any fan of Nintendo’s famous fat fuck plumber owe it to themselves to take for a spin. Add to that the aforementioned awesome rabbit ears power-up (that allow the player a slight hover after jumps) making their first and only appearance and you’ve got yourself a series entry that really is quite like no other.
Fun Fact: This game marks the last time Mario would headline the Land franchise as that Wario dipshit took over with part 3 and ran with it in entries on both the Game Boy Advance and Virtual Boy. True Story.
Well, what the hell. I feel like an idiot. This is the way a Goddamned idiot feels like. I’m home sick and totally drunk zoned out on I.P.A. medicine right now, so earlier I decided to catch up on my 3DS backlog. For whatever reason it occurred to me to try holding down “start” and “select” while booting up Kid Icarus: Of Shits and Giggles and lo and behold that’s me greeted by the beautiful sight of an original Game Boy border wrapped around my playscreen like a nice, warm pair of fuzzy cuffs. I honestly have no idea how this happened. How could something so completely awesome slip past me for this long? Now if that weren’t cool enough, check this out: When you’ve got your 3D slider cranked up, the screen slips a fraction of an inch “behind” the glass just like the original GB and you can even hold down the shoulder buttons and press Y simultaneously to enable the old school pea-green color palette. Glorious. Apparently rumors are swirling that Game Boy Color titles also have their own unique border replicating that system as well but since I haven’t downloaded any of those games yet, it’s far too soon for me to comment on the validity of such claims.
Which is of course great news for those of us that never had the chance to play the original release. At long last, Pit’s first portable adventure can be played without the need for 4 AA batteries or a Super Nintendo. Apparently this Game Boy sequel improves upon just about every aspect of the NES original (well, outside of that whole pesky color palette thing). If you’re still reading this instead of staring at a download screen, this website is doing something very, very wrong.
Jesus, Nintendo is really running on all cylinders this holiday season. Let’s see: New Super Mario Bros. game? Check. New Legend of Zelda adventure? You bet. New Mario Kart entry? It’ll be here in less than 2 weeks. How about another Metroid? Well, we don’t have one ready right now (still trying to figure out how to make up for Other M) but how about the Game Boy sequel that hasn’t officially been made available in any form outside of the original 1991 game pak? READ MORE
This is a verrry nerdy and technical writeup on the evolution of Nintendo’s portable system’s audio abilities over the years but that’s not why I’m linking to it. The reason is that I’d never heard of this Game Boy Light thingie before in my LIFE. Apparently it was never released in the Americas which is too bad. It could have saved me the embarrassment of walking around the school yard like a retard with this giant piece of shit clasped to my system.
It’s not in 3D or anything but trust me, that doesn’t matter. This tricked out re-make of the arcade classic features over 100 stages of pure platforming bliss. And at a measly 4 bucks to download, this thing is a no-brainer. Do it. Do it now. READ MORE