Nintendo Reveals Complete List of Portable Games to Shut Your Stupid Kid Up With This Holiday Season.

And yes due to the fact that apparently a new home console (?) will be debuting sometime before the end of year, unfortunately some highly anticipated titles have been pushed back to 2013 to accommodate the launch. Basically what I’m saying is that we won’t be playing Luigi’s Mansion: Dark of the Moon in time for Halloween. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you can finally wrap your fists around a 3DS version of Imagine Babyz on October 23rd! I mean that’s exciting right? No? Christ, I can’t do this anymore.

Click the jump to get a look at what you can expect to see on store shelves in the coming months.

Nintendo 3DS

Activision Publishing, Inc. – Angry Birds Trilogy – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Bratz: Fashion Boutique – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Lalaloopsy: Carnival of Friends – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Moshi Monsters Moshlings Theme Park – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Skylanders Giants – Oct. 21
Activision Publishing, Inc. – TRANSFORMERS PRIME – Oct. 30
Activision Publishing, Inc. – The Trash Pack – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Wipeout 3 – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Wreck It Ralph – October
Aksys Games Localization, Inc. – Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward – Oct. 23
ATLUS (Index Digital Media, Inc.) – Code of Princess – Oct. 9
D3Publisher – Rise of the Guardians: The Video Game – Nov. 20
D3Publisher – Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why’d You Steal Our Garbage?! – Fall
D3Publisher – Ben 10: Omniverse – Fall
Disney Interactive – Disney Epic Mickey: Power of Illusion – Nov. 18
Disney Interactive – Disney·Pixar Finding Nemo – September
Disney Interactive – Disney Princess: My Fairytale Adventure – September
Electronic Arts – FIFA 13 – September
GameMill Entertainment – Hotel Transylvania – Sept. 18
Majesco Entertainment – Hello Kitty Picnic – October
Maximum Games – 50 Classic Games – October
Maximum Games – American Mensa Academy – October
Maximum Games – Junior Classic Games – October
Maximum Games – Jett Tailfin – November
Natsume Inc. – Harvest Moon: A New Beginning – Q4
Nintendo – New Super Mario Bros. 2 – Aug. 19
Nintendo – Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone! – Oct. 1
Nintendo – Crosswords Plus – Oct. 1
Nintendo – Style Savvy: Trendsetters – Oct. 22
Nintendo – Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask – Oct. 28
Nintendo – Freakyforms Deluxe: Your Creations, Alive! – Nov. 5
Nintendo – Paper Mario: Sticker Star – Nov. 11
SEGA – Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed – Nov. 20
Storm City Entertainment – Chevrolet Camaro Wild Ride – August
Storm City Entertainment – Old Skool Classics – September
Storm City Entertainment – Word Wizard 3D – September
Telegames, Inc. – Classic Games Overload: Card and Puzzle Edition – November
Ubisoft – Rayman Origins – Q3
Ubisoft – Imagine Babyz – Oct. 23
Ubisoft – Imagine Fashion Life – Oct. 23
Ubisoft – Petz Countryside – Nov. 6
Ubisoft – Rabbids Rumble – Holiday
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment – LEGO The Lord of the Rings – Fall
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment – Spy Hunter – Fall
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment – Scribblenauts Unlimited – Holiday
XSEED Games – Unchained Blades – Summer

Nintendo eShop

Arc System Works – Vector Racing – Aug. 23
Endgame Studio – Fractured Soul – Q3
Gamelion – Speed X – Q4
Konami – Gradius – Q4
Konami – Mystical Ninja starring Goemon – Q3
Nicalis – Cave Story – Q3
Nicalis – Nightsky – Q4
Nintendo – Pokémon Dream Radar – Oct. 7
Nintendo – Sparkle Snapshots 3D – Oct. 18
Nintendo – Pokédex 3D Pro – Nov. 8
Nintendo – Fluidity: Spin Cycle – Q4
Nintendo – Wario Land II – Q4
Nintendo – Zelda II: The Adventure of Link – Q4
nnooo – Spirit Hunters Inc. – Q4
Teyon – Crazy Chicken: Pirates 3D – Aug. 16
UFO Interactive – Johnny Impossible – Q3
XSEED Games – Unchained Blades – Q3

Nintendo DS

2K Play – Nickelodeon Bubble Guppies – Nov. 1
2K Play – Nickelodeon Dora & Team Umizoomi: Fantastic Flight – Nov. 1
Activision Publishing, Inc. – TRANSFORMERS PRIME – Oct. 30
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Bratz: Fashion Boutique – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Lalaloopsy: Carnival of Friends – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Moshi Monsters Moshlings Theme Park – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – The Trash Pack – October
Activision Publishing, Inc. – Wreck It Ralph – October
D3Publisher – Rise of the Guardians: The Video Game – Nov. 20
D3Publisher – Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why’d You Steal Our Garbage?! – Fall
D3Publisher – Ben 10: Omniverse – Fall
D3Publisher – Victorious: Taking the Lead – Fall
D3Publisher – Winx Club: Magical Fairy Party – Fall
GameMill Entertainment – Big Time Rush – Nov. 6
GameMill Entertainment – Hotel Transylvania – Sept. 18
Little Orbit – Monster High: Skultimate Roller Maze – Nov. 13
NAMCO BANDAI Games Inc. – THUNDERCATS – Sept. 25
Nintendo – Pokémon Black Version 2 – Oct. 7
Nintendo – Pokémon White Version 2 – Oct. 7
Scholastic Inc. – I SPY Game Pack – September
Scholastic Inc. – Smart Games for Kids – September
Telegames, Inc. – Puzzle Overload – October
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment – LEGO The Lord of the Rings – Fall

Not too shabby overall for sure, but I still can’t help feeling slightly underwhelmed. Of course new entries for the Paper Mario and Professor Layton franchises will be enough to please plenty of gamers, it’s just that this list seems a bit light to me as far as heavy hitters go. Maybe Nintendo is keeping their “big guns” out of the portable scene on purpose? Maybe the Wii U’s launch lineup will be so incredible that nerds across the country will be lining up outside of blood/sperm banks to be able to afford everything?

We’ll find out soon enough.